No Laughing Matter?
As the memory coach at Cross Keys Village, I often sing the virtues of laughter when dealing with dementia. Laughter defuses tense situations and I have seen its benefits firsthand, even in my own family. My grandfather-in law, a vibrant and witty man, has a neuro-cognitive disorder and laughter still plays an important part in his life. One day recently he was in the kitchen, at a loss for the right word, looking for “the cookie eating device.” His wife turned around and said, “The cookie eating device is you!” He thought for a long minute, and then a thin smile appeared. Soon, they were both laughing, seizing this precious moment of joy as it presented itself.
Yet I am also aware of a different register for laughter. You’ve all heard the saying: “I’m having a senior moment,” or “Save me a room in Memory Care!” It strikes me that you wouldn’t joke so casually about another progressive disease, and this got our department thinking. So we set up a Facebook poll, inviting our Inner Light Academy community to respond, in order to explore how people directly affected by the disease feel about this subject.
The Facebook response was strong, candid, and even emotional. Some commented that they or a loved one had endured pain from being laughed at and were understandably sensitive to this topic. Many wrote that a good-natured joke – laughing with the person – is a helpful coping strategy to get through the tough days.
In the end, the difference between laughing with rather than laughing at is most significant. Being laughed at leads to increased confusion and heightened negative emotions. However, when you laugh with someone, you have made a connection. You and the person living with the disease are both present, sharing the same positive emotion and for a moment you have found a blessing. As for me, I will make a conscious effort to avoid pointed little jokes and discourage others when I hear one.
Kim Korge – Memory Coach